I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
