Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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