i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
