LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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