I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
