A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
