Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
