the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
