I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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