My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
