oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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