That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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