ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
