Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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