so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
