i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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