I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
