Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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