this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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