phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
