Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
