if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize