so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize