I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what day is it and did you see me today?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize