fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need to calm my uterus...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
