get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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