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Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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