Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
