I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is Oprah even human
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
