The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
