can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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