Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can Purell be used as lube?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize