the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize