does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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