Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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