He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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