having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize