I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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