I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
