The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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