you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
