I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
