That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
