I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
