Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
