Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
