i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
