I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
