I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
