Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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