I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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