I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
