I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
