I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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