I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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