i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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