Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
