This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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