ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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