She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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