I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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