Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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