Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
