This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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