I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
