i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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