i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
